Faith....

I debated awhile as to whether I would write this message down but then I decided why not. I have been given a assurance by God as to what HE will do in my life in the near future. HE spoke to my spirit awhile ago and told me that HE would give me favor when I take the LSAT in October and I am believing him for it because I am trying to strengthen my faith. In 2 Corinthians 5:7, it says We live by faith, not by sight, which suggests that when in the body of Christ one should not look to the visual but to the inner self. I have to hold onto that promise because God is about to bless me. I can feel it in my spirit. I am rejoicing and praising HIM because HE still answers prayers. I do not know why I struggled so long to get saved. I do not know why it took God to tap me on the shoulder for me to cry out for HIM and HIS wonderful grace. One thing is for sure, in my walk with HIM, there have been many revelations as to the environment that I am in as well as the people I deal with on a daily basis. Jesus Christ has and still is delivering me from demons and the sin nature because HE is the truth. In John 8:31-32, it says If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples, then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. This is why it is important for me to have strong faith because that is a law in the kingdom of heaven and I have no yearning to dance around with the devil in eternity, but rather sing and praise the Lord in heaven. I am just glad that Jesus has cleansed me and God has brought me into the place of blessing. In Romans 8:1-2 it says, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. You do not know how much tranquility my relationship with God has brought me. I was told before that no one can enter the kingdom of heaven unless they are holy and unless they receive Jesus Christ as their savior and that many people are walking around this Earth who believe in God but are not born again or have not accepted Jesus as their Lord and savior. That’s an interesting phrase, because the general thought is that if you believe in God, then you’re going to heaven despite your sinful behavior, but if you read scripture, you will notice that no one will see the Lord without living holy and righteous. I was watching Pastor Benny Hinn on This Is Your Day before I left for Cali and he was telling the audience that the Lord had revealed to him that every unholy or aberrant person would feel HIS wrath in the near future and that nature would turn on us. After watching CNN for the past day or so, what Pastor Hinn said has become a reality. Hurricane Katrina has wreaked havoc on Alabama, Mississippi and parts of Louisiana, which is very scary and matches up to what Pastor Hinn was saying, considering most people I know live in sin and are not trying to have robust faith nor live a holy or righteous lifestyle. The fact that we are a society that is so bent on doing wrong and because we somehow have this predilection that God is an allegory. Everyone does whatever they want without wanting to deal with the consequences to their actions. In Judges 21:25, it says In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they say fit. Isn’t that how it is in this society? Everyone does what they feel like doing when they feel like doing it. The astonishing thing about this is, is that God wants everyone to be saved and walk with HIM and live righteous, but people have gotten it in their mind that it is difficult to do that if they are forced to leave some junk behind. It is very hard to leave what you’ve always been used to but I’d rather leave sin behind and be protected and blessed by the Creator of the Universe than have to suffer the rage of a God who detests wrongdoing, wouldn’t you?

Breath of Fresh Air

So today was the first day of the new semester. I’m officially a senior, officially going home in December, officially getting outta here. When asked about what I will be doing after I exit this place, I replied: being away from here. Has this place really dulled my capacity to cherish the day of small beginnings? Have I experienced such sheer bull that I will not be able to tell anyone to go here sometime in the near future? I thought about this for awhile after a conversation I had with that particular person. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am a different person from what I was last year or even the year before. What is atypical here is that people want to trap you into what you have always been. They say that first impressions are everything – that people form opinions about who you are based on when they first met you. No one ever takes into consideration that anyone can change and that we can all evolve into different and more mature individuals. So is this why I am in such a hurry to leave here, because I have changed? Partly, yes and partly, no. I just do not see any reason to linger here spending my time taking classes that will not do me any good. I had only planned to take Japanese & Spanish classes and I could do that at a community college. Of course, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to hang out with people – I use the expression people, because I am not one to use the word friend anymore and I have come to the conclusion that people call upon you when they want you in their presence. I have set bait for certain individuals and they have fallen right in the trap and I finally have put that questioning behind me. But is there a deeper meaning as to why I want to leave? Isn’t senior year supposed to be the best year of college? Why am I in such a hurry to leave? I have bigger and better things in store for me once I leave. I am trying to get away from such foolishness and such dowdy people whose idea of good times mean being intoxicated or spending quality time in the hot club. In my quest to become a more holy-er person, I have become more aware of just how much sin dominated my life and how it dominates people I know. My friend, and I can say this because she is a friend, Arian, told me this quote: “We all continue to sin knowing that God will forgive us, but God only forgives that sin when we turn from that sin completely. This is the true repent.” That brings up an important thought, which relates to the fact that everyone believes that they can go on doing what they do knowing that they can ask for God’s forgiveness – and I was foolish to believe that, that is what I could do because despite all of my writings, I have backslid more than once, but I’m back on track by the grace of God because I have made up in my mind that I’d like to make it to heaven. I’d like to meet Jesus and not suffer the tribulation after the church is raptured out. Is this why I am in such a hurry to leave? Has God spoken to me in my spirit and told me that I do not need to be in DC anymore? I wavered over this decision for awhile going back and forth between staying and leaving, but then it hit me – what is holding me back? I have enough credits, and have spent 3 & ½ years here, what else is there to see? I was walking campus earlier today when I needed to take care of some override stuff and I breathed a breath of fresh air knowing that I would be saying goodbye to this place and hello to the rest of my life. But I’m still puzzled as to why I have this inclination to leave, even though I have made the decision to do so?

Gospel Lyrics VII

These are lyrics from Phanatik's "Dirgy Dancing" off of his Incredible Walk release.

1st verse
You sure you wanna walk through them doors/ get on that floor/ shake for them boys?/ they don’t see ya inners all they see is outer dressing/ and you ain’t dressing well enough to keep those fellas guessing/ You sure you wanna step in that club/ weapons and drugs/ reppin’ them thugs?/ your sneaks is clean your neck is bling oh you just know you ballin/ you so caught up in all that you don’t even know you fallin/ you the one that’s spinning them tracks/ you spun that track/ you had to run that back/ what would happen if all the music that makes your play list/ was hated by your Creator and would never make His A list?/ Standing in the club playing clue/ the lights went low and the thugs came through/ the slug came through and hit two in the chest/ they said how you gonna do it/ you said do it to death/ I said

Chorus
We don’t know/ or/ we don’t care/ either/ we don’t know/ or we don’t care/ we just keep on moving/ shakin’/ bouncin’/ groovin’/ holler pop your collar study dirge dancin to our own demise/We don’t know/ or/ we don’t care/ either/ we don’t know/ or we don’t care/ we just keep on moving/ shakin’/ bouncin’/ groovin’/ clubbin’/ brushin’ shoulders study dirge dancin to our own demise

2nd verse
You sure you wanna stand on that block/ handling the rock/ scrambling from cops/ you got locked up and got bailed out but watch out/ cuz rap sheets can turn to the jail house rock/ You sure you want to be up in them clips/ puckering lips/ trying to be a video vixen?/ you think teasing and leaving them hot for some action is sexy but what happens when little girls copy the patterns you set see/ that’s why the hood looks like it does/ we don’t like what’s good or right we love/ sinning so much it’s so much pleasure in the beginning/ but we never think of the pain it causes us in the ending/ the same cat that came through in coupe/ doin’ dirt/ on the block/ came through in a hearse/ now his crew is pouring liquor like “you was the best”/ I said how yall gonna do it/ they said “do it to death”/ I said

Chorus

3rd verse
The streets aint the only ones dancing dirge/ the church got they own style ask the clergy/ they see so many cats gliding/ it’s like they moon walking when they back sliding/ so you just wanna sit in them pews/ singing them blues/ the Spirit aint move?/ and If He’s moving then how we can’t move from our seats and take this blessed message out and bless somebody on them street/ You sure you wanna master that style/ dance in them isles/ acting all wild/ is that what life in the church is really all about/ shoutin’ and like musical chairs the music stops we fall out?/ All outside of what should be the center/ we busy cooking dinners and frowning on crooked sinners/ church contest to try to see who’s is the best/ we do it so good but why we gotta do it to death/ I guess

Chorus

A Taste of $25 Mil

I was browsing AOL and was piqued by this home in Laguna Beach, California. Homes in Laguna Beach are generally listed for about $1.5 million, while this one I looked at prices at about $25 million. It comes complete with eight & a half bathrooms and elevator. The reason I mention the bathrooms is because I often wonder why homes need so many bathrooms because no one can use that many bathrooms in a house considering all you can do in a bathroom is use it, clean it and clean yourself. The elevator is round glass and it wraps itself around the spiral staircase. The mansion for this massive amount of money sits in Emerald Bay, which is a portion of Laguna Beach that was founded in 1929 for all of the rich peeps who decided they needed to be separated from the lesser lights that lived in the other part of Laguna Beach – which is Laguna Beach. Speaking of Laguna Beach, that show is utter crap kind of like Rich Girls – which is a horde of drivel. I still have yet to see quality television on MTV, with the exception of. …hmmm…nothing. I stopped watching MTV back when I was in high school and I stopped watching BET freshman year in college. I just recently found out that they fired AJ & Free. Too bad for AJ. Too bad for Free – I really liked her…. Gluteus maximus (if it isn’t spelled correctly you get MY DRIFT COMPADRE) more commonly known as – the buttocks. 106 & Park is going down the drain like water does in a sink. I am still here in Cali, enjoying the waft and the Coffee Bean. Of course, I have only been a few places because I am a lazy bum when it comes to going places, but I wallow in my bed and peer out the window at the wind blowing the palms and the sun blazing on my non-sun screened skin. The UV rays have to be messing with my pigmentation and causing my brown skin to become pitch black – not Pitch Black, the movie, but black as in Negro as it called in Espanol. Sorry no tilde over the N. Upon my return to stupendous DC, I am finding myself not wanting to return and conclude my last semester of college. I guess it is because Cali is so fascinating and I can breathe here without the stench of dealing with university shenanigans and people who have no backbone or conscious. I sigh in the fact that I will be back Sunday night, probably watching a re-run of a TV show or listening to music in my four-walled small room. You see the room I have is an A room, which is smaller than the B rooms, but who cares, I’m out in December, so I’ll just stick it out a lil while longer. No sense in me complaining or requesting to transfer to another room or dorm considering the fact that I have brand new carpet in my room. Ahh, that salubrious carpet smell. That is the only remodeling they’ve done, although Shani, who also writes a blog called Incommunicado, mentioned that they did up Douglass Hall, which was a shock considering that place is so old it was most likely built back when Douglass was still alive. JK – I talk so dreadfully about my alma mater, but when you have been dealt so many blows by a place how can you speak optimistically about it. I will say this though – it has done wonders for my GPA.

Life In Many Parts, La Vie Dans Beaucoup de Parties, La Vida En Muchas Partes

For about two and a half years, I have been working on a book called Life In Many Parts (so for those of you who have klepto tendencies, the title is taken). I have sat up numerous nights writing page after page and sentence after sentence wondering when my novel would be complete. The story is autobiography/fiction primarily because it deals with years of my life that I have not yet encountered as well as years I have encountered. I graciously allowed two of my friends to read the fine print and they enjoyed it, so much so that they can see it as a movie. I grinned because I can actually see it as a movie and I needed those words of encouragement because at the time they read it, I was experiencing massive writer’s block. I am usually a nocturnal writer, who will write ten pages or so every few nights when the heat is on, but around that time I was dealing with coursework, the radio station and EPP and other stuff that I just did not have the energy nor the creativity (at that time) to write. The block stopped finally around junior year and I was able to write more & more to the point where I finished it. I had thought about adjusting it after I graduate but that could possibly taint the work considering it is autobiographical “fiction” – part real, part fabrication. You know when you muddle with something after it’s done; it sometimes loses its taste and distinction. I am making it sound like a soufflé or a bottle of wine here; this is a book, not a gourmet magazine. I have contacted a few agents who have read my work, but I am still looking for a publisher who does not want to change certain aspects of the story. One agent suggested I take out the cynicism, but that adds flare to the novel. Another suggested I make the main character less upstanding and more contrite, as if there aren’t any African American males who grow up in the suburbs speaking proper English. Another one just flat out rejected it. So I am on the journey again in trying to find someone to publish my book. I am eager to publish this tour de force and have gotten nods from two of my friends: one will be the next Oprah and the other one, well look out Hollywood here she comes. That’s all I will say about that. Some of my other friends have tried to sneak a peek at the book, but I think by letting too many people read it, I diminish the amount of time I spent writing it. I have never heard of James Patterson, Eric Jerome Dickey or Toni Morrison revealing their work. I put a considerable amount of trust in the two I let read it – and they only read like seven pages of it. That was a stretch to do, so I doubt if anyone else will be reading it in its baby stage. Everyone else will have to wait until it hits the stands. I have told many people that they will be shocked by what I have written in there. Isn’t that what entertainment is all about, shock appeal? Readers love page-turners and cliff hangers weaved into novels and trust me when I say this Life In Many Parts is a bolt from the blue.

Quelqu'un Obtient Ce Chien Un Museau

It is the last few days of summer vacation and I am relaxin and chillin in SoCal. I have indulged myself in Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles and M&M Soul Food as well as Jerry’s Famous Deli. I have pretty much sat around for the past few days listening to Marc Antoine's Modern Times and watching episodes of Dead Like Me. I finally purchased the second season of that – too bad that show was cancelled. I am anxiously awaiting the big 21 and being able to officially be grown. OFFICIALLY! There have been many instances where I have come across as young to many people. Store clerks, bank tellers, and pretty much anyone who feels they have a place in this world. I have had to pull out my California Identification on numerous occasions at record stores because they don’t want to sell me the Parental Advisory cds. I think it’s quite amusing because they are wowed @ my oldness when I show them my ID; as if I look 12. Since I’ve been here, I have grown accustomed to waking up to the loud barking of my next-door neighbor’s dog. It is quite annoying to hear woof woofs @ 5 in the morning especially when I am trying to continue enjoying Zzzzz Land. I have been up everyday since I’ve been here at about seven in the morning. Luckily, I’ve been able to get enough coffee in my system to get me going, otherwise I would have politely told my neighbor to put a muzzle on that mutt. My mother tells me that there was a lady who lived next door to my grandmother in St. Louis, who poisoned a dog for barking non-stop. Of course, no one can prove that the lady did the poisoning. I mean what kind of person puts lethal venom in a bowl of Alpo or Ralston Parina dog food. That’s not kosher. I am not suggesting or even thinking about poisoning my next door neighbor’s dog – but I am thinking about taking a trip to Petsmart and purchasing a muzzle because I have yet to get my usual 9 hours of sleep. What? Nine hours is that GUUUUDDDD sleep. It’s that special sleep. The kind where you wake up and you are completely fresh and can function and carry out your day-to-day duties of eating and doing nothing. A friend of mine suggested I down a bottle of Malibu rum on my birthday. I don’t see that happening unless I stop by Tic Toc on Rhode Island Avenue and purchase me one. Of course, that would ruin my sober streak, but 21 is a big thing considering many, many Black males do not live to see their twenty-first bday especially in LA and for them I might pour out a lil liquor and give a toast to ALL (a-l-l that’s all) my dead homies. That is not meant to sound funny or humorous although it came out wrong.

Gospel Lyrics VI

Lyrics to the Kirk Franklin classic, "Silver & Gold"

"Silver And Gold"

Chorus:
Silver and gold
Silver and gold
I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold
No fame or fortune
Nor riches untold
I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold

Verse:
Don't give me a mansion on top of the hill
Don't give me the world with a shallow thrill
But just give me a savior
My life He can hold
I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold
I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of down
I called on my best friend
She could not be found
But I called on Jesus
My life He can hold
I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold
For unto us a child is born
A son is given
I'd rather have Jesus
What profits a man to gain the whole world and loose His soul
I'd rather have Jesus
For there's no other name given under heaven
Whereby we must be saved
I'd rather have Jesus
He's the only one that can save you
I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold

Chorus (x4)

#108

And so it begins a new angle on life and people. As I continue to move around in my comfort zone, or what I perceived to be a succor sector, I begin to see what is right in front of me. Revelation is a profound thing and as more and more is revealed to me about people – I thought, is there anyone real? No, really, anyone really out here, because I have yet to see anyone who does not have any vacillation or vicissitudinist dispositions. I came to the conclusion that the only thing one can hold onto is the faith that everything will work itself out even when things look drab and cataclysmic. I was listening to Hootie & the Blowfish’s Time and it brought up some situations that I have experienced. One of them taught me how flaky people are. It was back in high school. I had been dj’ing with a friend of mine and we had agreed that we would each take 50/50 of the profits and then he decided he wanted more because I did not have equipment at the time, but I did have the music, which he didn’t. This was before Napster or Audiogalaxy. This is when one would spend $15 or more on a cd. So we ended up parting ways because he decided he wanted a larger cut. People will renege on their word to you in a heartbeat, which is incredibly fickle. There is this straddling of the fence concept that seems to engulf people’s personalities. They dither between decisions and people. There are over here today and over there tomorrow. This brings up the issue of trust. How can you trust someone when they straddle the fence? How can you trust someone who may not be there tomorrow when you need them? There is no one to rely on besides family. You know how I feel about friendship and the demarcation of a friend and I have yet to find someone who does not exhibit wavering temperaments. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I am beginning to get weary about doing that because it brings nothing but astonishment and amazement when you do that because people are set in their ways and do what they see fit to who they see fit with utter disregard to others. We are a selfish society that is bent on controlling and manipulating others. I know a few people like this – where it is their way or no way. The dilemma then is whether one wants to deal with such foolishness. Why subject yourself to a group of people whose capacity of thinking is based purely on self-seeking behavior? I began to see this more clearly when I was in the presence of certain individuals and I asked myself, why am I around them? What are they offering me? Have they profited my life or am I in friendships that are dead and need to be buried. I wondered as I was sitting and vicariously sighing on occasion, I am better than this. I don't need to be around people who present me nothing and obviously aren’t getting anything from me. It took me awhile to realize this truth or revelation, but the light bulb came on and I began to see things for what they really were. At first, I thought it was just some misconception, but after awhile, I began to know that it was reality. The veracity is nothing is firm in this world. You cannot clasp onto anything or anyone because there is so much straddling of the fence and fluctuation.

New Creature

I am a new creature. A new creation resurrected by Jesus Christ, who breathed new life into my spirit when I was born again. I am anxiously awaiting the 2nd coming of the Lord Jesus. The old man is passing away and a new one is emerging. This happens through a process of letting things die out in my life that I once did i.e. impurity, ungodly desires and foul language. These things must be put to rest to live for God, who through his mercy and grace has breathed eternal life into me. There will never be a day when I will not be and that is something I rejoice over. It is interesting because there are many people who do not believe in the return of Jesus. They think it is a myth or some form of escapism through the word of God, but these human nitwits will have to deal with the judgment of God on the day of Jesus' return. These people do not live their lives for God. Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves with the same attitude, because those who have suffered in their bodies are done with sin. As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do - living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead - 1 Peter 4:1-5. There are many who claim they want to go to heaven, but you cannot get to heaven unless you turn from ungodly ways and that means setting down the bottle, turning away from the club and other things that have no purpose in a holy lifestyle. But how can one turn from these evil things if they are not born again? That is why it is written in 2 Corinthians 6:14, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? It begs the question as to why I am still hanging around backslidders and unbelievers. Why am I continuing to deal with people who dip themselves in darkness? What do we have in common? What is even more fascinating is that it is very hard to let go of relationships with people who are backslidders and unbelievers because of the fact that you have known someone for so long. What is even more interesting is that I see it all around me, the complacency that people have for God. They claim to know he is there, but nevertheless, they continue down the road to hell. I am still being worked on and purified by the Holy Spirit, but I am beginning to question some of the relationships I have with certain individuals as to whether I still need to consult with them because I am a new creature, raised with Christ and I do not want to face God's judgment on unbelievers and backslidders when Christ returns. Therefore, I will not be dealing with individuals who put church on a list of things to do or who have this attitude that it is the last thing they want to do because I am a new creature and I am trying to get to heaven, not spend eternity in hell.

Part...Somewhere near 100, But Not Quite Sure

It's almost the end of the summer and I have accomplished 2 things: 1) Learning more about the nature of individuals and 2) Marching towards my destiny & purpose. As far as number one, I think I have written a lot about the subject where you get my drift on how I feel about certain people. That subject should be put to rest, although, I think I'll probably end up revisiting it later on this year. As for the second item in my grocery cart, that one is yet to be exhausted. I finally got clearance for graduation in December. I have 15 credits to go and then out of here I go. I was jumping for joy when I walked out of the counselor's office today. I filled out my application for graduation and I couldn't help feeling happy that I can finally leave and pursue bigger & better things. I will be back in May to walk but I'll be on a plane directly after my celebration dinner @ a restaurant with my family. I debated over attending a graduation party, but I say, what is the use? No...really....really, what is the use attending? You might say that is quite opposite of what usually happens. One usually is happy about going to a grad party and getting drunk and parting ways with friends and associates, but not me. I am happy not to be going. I care not to partake in liquor and be in the presence of fakeness and conformity. Therefore, I'll probably just head to the Cheesecake Factory and order some Sheila's Blackened Pasta and some Key Lime Cheesecake and let my family take all the Kodak photos they want. Then, onto LA for a new chapter in life - and experiencing even more parts. They say that college is supposed to be some of the best years of your life. Well - they have been but there has to be a time when you let go of old things and pick up new things and December 05 is my time.

Is there such a thing as a best friend?, or a friend in general? I have debated this subject over and over in my head and with others. I have summed it up into a brief and complete statement or rather word - Nope. Friends are noexistant. Sure, you hang out with individuals who offer moral support and a shoulder to cry on, but friendship is non-existent. People have this modicum concept that friendships exist. But what is friendship? What people really mean when they call you their friends is this thin layer of approval that vanishes whenever you do not do what they want or you fail to live up to their perception of you. People fall in & out of friendships like they fall in & out of bed, people fall in & out of friendships like they fall in & out of love. Friendships are as nonexistant as jolly old Saint Nick, the Tooth Fairy & the Easter Bunny. The truth is you cannot count on anyone because people are unreliable and fickle. It's sad, but that's just the way it is.

Life has many parts, parts, parts, parts.......

Gospel Lyrics V

These are the lyrics to Mary Mary's "Heaven" from their new cd.

[chorus]
I gotta get myself together, cuz i got someplace to go
And i'm praying when i get there, i see everyone i know
I wanna go to heaven, i wanna go to heaven, said i wanna go to heaven,
i wanna go to heaven, do you wanna Go?

[verse 1]
Can you picture a place where there a smile on every face
And all the worry, all the stressing, all the pressure's been erased
Walking down a street that's golden,
Angels singing perfect weather
Everybody's got a mansion, y'all it just don't get no better
I wanna go

[chorus]

[verse 2]
The only way i can explain it, is that in life we go through changes
Though we know it serves a purpose, still sometimes it just seems worthless
But this race that i am running, whether i run it fast or slow
Long as i just keep on running, i'm gonna make it there someday
I know

[bridge]
There's a place for us/one day i wanna see it
There's a place for us/and you may not believe it
But i'm just living my life/so i can live again
Everyday i'm getting ready/'cause i wanna make it in

[chorus]

Spin Cycle

It is true that whatever does not come out in the wash, will come out in the rinse. That statement carries power in it, because it resolves the secrets & lies issue. People are constantly lying and keeping secrets from their friends and family not realizing that eventually those secrets & lies will come out. Friendships and relationships have disintegrated because of secrets and lies. Marriages end in divorce and all hell breaks loose when people lie and keep secrets or refuse to tell the truth. So why do we as Americans lie? Many people say it is in our nature to lie; that humans are born liars. Who deemed that to be true? It is easier to tell the truth than it is to lie because once a lie is told, you have to keep the lie going and going like the Energizer bunny. Secrets shatter and shake up people's worlds. I know a few people whose world has almost fallen apart because of secrets. People live in a world of keeping things from others. I have been convinced that people keep secrets because they are afraid of the consequences of telling their business. I was told that people cannot be trusted. You cannot trust anyone as far as you can throw them. Everything you have said to someone: expect it to be broadcast on the front page of the news. Of course, this metaphor, is quite contingent on the individual who gossips. I abhor gossip. I cannot stand it. I have found that no one is perfect (although, we'd all like to think we are) and thus, talking about someone is worthless and time consuming. There is only so much time in a day to get things accomplished, why would I waste my time in gossip. Others might not agree. They have this foundation that rests solely on gossip and talking about people, but out of this comes judgment. When you gossip, you judge. You are putting yourself on a higher plateau than the person you are judging and talking about. I really am sickened by the people who judge and do not even know you. I know a few people who do this. That is just plain pathetic. People have not seemed to take heed to the old phrase: what goes around comes around, because if they did, they wouldn't spend their time judging and talking about people. People will find the most ridiculous reasons to talk about people: clothing, hair, the way they talk, etc; just dumb stuff. If you can look in the mirror @ yourself and see a perfect person, then I would suppose you have full right to talk about someone, but no one is perfect, no one. I am not about to sit here and say that I haven't talked about someone before, but I have stopped because it's a waste of energy. I have other things to do with my time than that. I am sure right now someone is talking about me or judging me and it may even be a friend of mine - but like the saying says eventually I'll find out about it, because if it doesn't come out in the wash, it will in the rinse.

The Meaning of Life

I am anxiously awaiting my destiny. What have I been put on this Earth to do, to perform? There has to be a reason that I sifted around in my mother's womb for 9 months and was born. There has to be a reason as to why I am 20, going to college, majoring in Radio Production and minoring in Business. There is definitely a reason why I have been put on the 3rd planet from the sun. But what is that reason? I mean sure I want to become an entertainment lawyer and manage clients and have a wife & kids and live in a mansion by the time I am @ least 40, but is that my purpose. That is my dream and goal, but a dream and a goal is different from a purpose. I asked myself as I was skimming through some Logical Reasoning in my white Kaplan LSAT book (btw that is not a promotion of sorts of the Kaplan program), and I stopped and wondered, what is it? What is life? We are born to die and in between we affect people's lives, change people's lives, and mature and develop into the people that God wants us to become. He is the mastermind behind this life & death. He decides when our number is up. You could call him a potter. He perfects and shapes us into what he wants us to become and we are in no control over that. I ask the question, what is life all about? The Meaning of Life, so to speak, I would surmise tht it is something deep and out of this world. It is one of those questions that will not be answered until I take my last breath. One might be able to come to a conclusion as to the meaning of life, but no definite answer. You can come up with many, many guesses but only God knows the purpose and the meaning of life. In looking @ life, you have to bring up happiness. Happiness is something that is promised to us by the Constitution, or rather the pursuit of happiness. I remember as a kid playing the Game of Life and choosing the path to go. That is somewhat what life is about. There are two roads or rather paths that one can take to go. These paths aren't straight. We come up against bumps and snags here and there but ultimately the path will lead us to happiness. People associate happiness with fancy clothing or expensive cars, and while that is all good and wonderful, you can have all the $ in the world and still be unhappy. I think that life is a mystery and it is up to us to solve this mystery. We have to become Jessica Fletchers, Ben Matlocks, and the like in order to crack the case. A wise man once told me that the purpose of your life is hidden in the gifts and strengths you have within you. These are treasures that are the passkey to your destiny. These gifts ultimately bring you into the purpose of life, I would suppose. That comment is quite interesting because we all have gifts. Singing, writing, mathematical abilities, are all gifts that we receive from the Lord Jesus, but there have to be some gifts that we receive as we continue down one of the two paths we walk down and there have to be some hidden gifts that we have inside us but do not necessarily know that we have them. Now that is interesting, you mean I have gifts inside of me that I have not yet discovered....

Life has many parts, discover them one by one.

When The Apples Turn Brown

I am flipping through the pages of the crevices of my mind. I am purging nauseating thoughts and unnecessaries. I am reminded of the trap that I was hooked on. I was a brown apple that needed a hint of lemon juice on it and I have finally received that lemon juice. Lately, I have noticed that the environment that I exist in has changed quite a bit as has the people. I am not surprised by this partly because I was told that there would be some leeches and parasites that I would have to rid myself of if I were ever to go to the next level in my spirituality and walk with God. Of course, that means changing - changing for the better. Over the past few months, I have been searching and flipping through the pages of my mind going over every experience that I have encountered over the last three years and I have come to the conclusion that I have been carrying around things in my life that are not needed. I started to wonder what these things were and I found the answer. I was reading my Bible and Psalm 18:3-6 got my attention. It says I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grace coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
For a few months now, I have been praying. Praying that God reveal to me the unnecessaries that are dragging me down and messing with my schema and as I am going along I am finding out where the extra baggage is coming from. I used to sit by myself on Friday and Saturday nights wondering why it was that I was not being invited anywhere by the people I call friends. Then I stopped and thought, were these really my friends. I mean they'd invite me when it was convenient for them or when they felt like seeing my face and being in my presence but were they really my friends. This question seemed to pop up constantly in my mind and thus the prayer began. I spent awhile trying to answer this question. I received the answer and it shocked me at first, but I thank the Lord that HE revealed to me, who is really my friend and who isn't. That answer is safe inside my heart and as I continue my walk with God, I am being revealed more & more about just what is irking in the lives of the people who I am around. Why did it take me so long to figure this out? Could God have been trying to show me this awhile ago and I was just missing the signs?
There is an old saying that the Lord works in mysterious ways. There was a reason why I am thinking these thoughts and questioning, partly because I got sick of being by myself watching old re-runs of In Living Color and drinking hot chocolate on a Friday night. I recall an incident that occurred sophomore year, when a friend had called me and had asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. I said cool and the friend told me that I would get a call when they were going to go to the movies, yet I never received the call. The time came and went for the movie. I was left sitting in my room having to pop my own popcorn and drink my own Coca Cola. That was a sign right there because a friend calls you back, especially if they have asked you to go somewhere with them, but the "friend" didn't. I brushed it off like I do many, many things but not anymore. Let's get this straight however, I am not singing a poor me song (although it might sound like it) nor I am asking for your sympathy nor am I expecting the orchestra to cue violins and violas; what I am simply trying to express is my revelation. You can have people baggage that need to be left on the carousel and that is what I have currently. There are some parasites that need to be swatted. I have prayed all this time and no longer will this prayer be prayed. I will replace it with another prayer since God has already given me the answer to my prayer. I am now able to see what I was ignoring before and betcha by golly wow, it's a whopper. I have to go now, my apples are beginning to turn brown again and applying lemon juice a second time might not be the best thing to do.

A Ramblin Man

I told my friend, Lauren, that I was thinking about moving to Canada after graduation. I have grown sick of the United States. It is no longer suiting my needs and therefore, British Columbia or Manitoba looks promising. Lauren told me that she heard both are quite pretty, which sounds good. And their death rate is pretty low. I don't know what airplane I'll get on because it is looking like the airline companies are taking their jolly well time making sure that us personas are safe. Air France crashed and caught on fire. Luckily, no one was hurt. Then I heard from my father, that American Airlines fired their mechanics. Who is going to fix their planes now? They were already on shaky ground and rocked profusely in the air, I wonder what they are going to be like now? That question, of course, will never be answered because I will not be on one of them there AAs.

Did you hear that The Chappelle Show is no more? That is what Charlie Murphy is saying. He is grateful that the show gave him the opportunity to do some stand up. He became a star overnight because of that show. I am not too sad that the show is not coming back on. I enjoyed it but I did not make a ritual of watching it when it was on. I purchased the seasons, for future entertainment, but I haven't pulled them out since I bought them. So therefore, I wasted about $50 + tax. That money could have went somewhere else. I could have given it away or spent it on something else I really need, like trash bags or toothpaste. Speaking of toothpaste, I am currently enjoying the joy of brushing my white teeth with the Whitening Expressions. I wonder if this stuff actually works. I have yet to see my teeth whiter than they are. The citrus flavor is tasty, although you are not supposed to swallow the toothpaste. I think I have on a few occasions. The vanilla will be the next one I try.

The Cosby Show is finally on DVD. I didn't buy it because I have almost all of the eps on video tape. Eventually, I might invest in the 4 disc set, but I'll just continue watching my VHS's for now on my Toshiba TV/VCR combo. Have you noticed that no place sells video tapes? I still like them because they haven't perfected the DVD recorders yet for me to purchase one. I am a collector of old shows so, when I want to watch old eps of Fresh prince, I can pop in a tapel; a 6 hr tape. I reluctantly purchased a DVD recorder two Christmas's ago and the quality was a bunch of horse manure. I took it back to Best Buy and got my $800 back. This was the one where you can record from the television; not the one that you hook up to the computadora. I won't be buying a DVD recorder anytime soon. They need to work out the problems. I'll give it another year or so because VHS's are obsolete at least at most stores. A few Targets have them and K-Mart and Walmart. I will still buy VHS's because they are mad cheap. I am glad that A Different World is coming out on DVD in November because I will be purchasing that.

Life has many parts, purchase one and take it back.

Gospel Lyrics IV

Another gospel song that is soothing to the soul....

Capture by Lisa McClendon

Verse:
So many long to know you, but not sure how to,
searching through anything and anyone,
just to find a sign,
have yet to find your love,
your peace and your sweet relief,
and I want nothing more,
than for them to see you through me

Chorus:
Let the world capture your smile through mine,
Let the world capture your grace through mine,
And the world capture your peace through mine,
Capture your love through mine,
Cause you're so divine

Verse:
What a picture have we painted,
so many times your name has been tainted,
people want the real truth,
everyday I'll direct them right to you,
many faiths but one real father,
many faiths but one only son,
and if they see HIM through me, then my work down here is done

Chorus (x3)

Vamp:
Lord let your reflection, reflect through me,
as bright as it can be,
Oh, let your glory be overflowing,
because it's you my life is showing

Chorus (x3)

A Musiq In A World Full of Ushers

Much to my surprise, a friend of mine called me a Musiq in a world full of Ushers. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by the comparison she made. If you ask anyone, they will probably tell you I am unique, but then again we all are in our own way. But that comment got me thinking: why is everyone trying to conform? Why is everyone adopting the personalities of their friends instead of working their talents and strengths? There is this group on my facebook called U Can't Be Me, which is very similar to the other one, God Damn I'm Better Than You. It has gotten that serious where people (including myself) have grown suspicious of people to the point where we create groups where there is a gatekeeper and you have to meet our criteria to become apart of our fraternity, oops, I mean group. What determines elitism? Who am I to say I am really better than someone else? I may have different strengths and talents from you but that does not make me better than you, nor does it make you better than me because my talents do not match with yours. I enjoy being different from others. I stand on my values and beliefs and am proud of it. There comes a point when you let go of trivial and trite behavior and thinking and I have come to that point. I was kind of surprised when she made that comment because I figured that everyone was unique and different, but come to find out, that most people are generally the same. We have conformed to some sort of standard that has been set. Who set this standard where everyone feels they must do what the group is doing? Sure there is peer pressure and other criterion that somehow have become the norm. It is like being the nerd in a room of jocks or being the dumb one in a room full of smart people <-----reverse that the other way. My friend proceeded to tell me this because I was asking what her first impression of me was and she was telling me. "I thought you were cocky," she told me. Now, if having self pride is being cocky, then I am cocky. I do not put myself on a higher plane than anyone else. I do not regard other people as subservient or unequal or as Trillville puts it "on my level." Everyone has their own plane. No plane is higher than the other. We all mature in different increments in our lives. I am the first to tell you however that immaturity is beneath me, but that does not mean that I am cocky. I have just grown past where others are and I love operating at a different level of maturity. I still have a lot to learn though. In order to grow and mature, you must first be willing to change and let go of all of the competition luggage. In Mark 9:35, it says "Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said "Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last and the servant of all." It can be interpreted here that in order to strive to be the best one can be one must first be humble and willing to change and grow. If that is cockiness, then I am cocky. It was interesting when I asked several of my friends what their first impression of me was because I wasn't shocked by any of it, the Musiq comment threw me but did not shock me, so I retract what I said earlier.

Life has many parts....be willing to change them.