#108

And so it begins a new angle on life and people. As I continue to move around in my comfort zone, or what I perceived to be a succor sector, I begin to see what is right in front of me. Revelation is a profound thing and as more and more is revealed to me about people – I thought, is there anyone real? No, really, anyone really out here, because I have yet to see anyone who does not have any vacillation or vicissitudinist dispositions. I came to the conclusion that the only thing one can hold onto is the faith that everything will work itself out even when things look drab and cataclysmic. I was listening to Hootie & the Blowfish’s Time and it brought up some situations that I have experienced. One of them taught me how flaky people are. It was back in high school. I had been dj’ing with a friend of mine and we had agreed that we would each take 50/50 of the profits and then he decided he wanted more because I did not have equipment at the time, but I did have the music, which he didn’t. This was before Napster or Audiogalaxy. This is when one would spend $15 or more on a cd. So we ended up parting ways because he decided he wanted a larger cut. People will renege on their word to you in a heartbeat, which is incredibly fickle. There is this straddling of the fence concept that seems to engulf people’s personalities. They dither between decisions and people. There are over here today and over there tomorrow. This brings up the issue of trust. How can you trust someone when they straddle the fence? How can you trust someone who may not be there tomorrow when you need them? There is no one to rely on besides family. You know how I feel about friendship and the demarcation of a friend and I have yet to find someone who does not exhibit wavering temperaments. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I am beginning to get weary about doing that because it brings nothing but astonishment and amazement when you do that because people are set in their ways and do what they see fit to who they see fit with utter disregard to others. We are a selfish society that is bent on controlling and manipulating others. I know a few people like this – where it is their way or no way. The dilemma then is whether one wants to deal with such foolishness. Why subject yourself to a group of people whose capacity of thinking is based purely on self-seeking behavior? I began to see this more clearly when I was in the presence of certain individuals and I asked myself, why am I around them? What are they offering me? Have they profited my life or am I in friendships that are dead and need to be buried. I wondered as I was sitting and vicariously sighing on occasion, I am better than this. I don't need to be around people who present me nothing and obviously aren’t getting anything from me. It took me awhile to realize this truth or revelation, but the light bulb came on and I began to see things for what they really were. At first, I thought it was just some misconception, but after awhile, I began to know that it was reality. The veracity is nothing is firm in this world. You cannot clasp onto anything or anyone because there is so much straddling of the fence and fluctuation.