Breath of Fresh Air

So today was the first day of the new semester. I’m officially a senior, officially going home in December, officially getting outta here. When asked about what I will be doing after I exit this place, I replied: being away from here. Has this place really dulled my capacity to cherish the day of small beginnings? Have I experienced such sheer bull that I will not be able to tell anyone to go here sometime in the near future? I thought about this for awhile after a conversation I had with that particular person. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am a different person from what I was last year or even the year before. What is atypical here is that people want to trap you into what you have always been. They say that first impressions are everything – that people form opinions about who you are based on when they first met you. No one ever takes into consideration that anyone can change and that we can all evolve into different and more mature individuals. So is this why I am in such a hurry to leave here, because I have changed? Partly, yes and partly, no. I just do not see any reason to linger here spending my time taking classes that will not do me any good. I had only planned to take Japanese & Spanish classes and I could do that at a community college. Of course, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to hang out with people – I use the expression people, because I am not one to use the word friend anymore and I have come to the conclusion that people call upon you when they want you in their presence. I have set bait for certain individuals and they have fallen right in the trap and I finally have put that questioning behind me. But is there a deeper meaning as to why I want to leave? Isn’t senior year supposed to be the best year of college? Why am I in such a hurry to leave? I have bigger and better things in store for me once I leave. I am trying to get away from such foolishness and such dowdy people whose idea of good times mean being intoxicated or spending quality time in the hot club. In my quest to become a more holy-er person, I have become more aware of just how much sin dominated my life and how it dominates people I know. My friend, and I can say this because she is a friend, Arian, told me this quote: “We all continue to sin knowing that God will forgive us, but God only forgives that sin when we turn from that sin completely. This is the true repent.” That brings up an important thought, which relates to the fact that everyone believes that they can go on doing what they do knowing that they can ask for God’s forgiveness – and I was foolish to believe that, that is what I could do because despite all of my writings, I have backslid more than once, but I’m back on track by the grace of God because I have made up in my mind that I’d like to make it to heaven. I’d like to meet Jesus and not suffer the tribulation after the church is raptured out. Is this why I am in such a hurry to leave? Has God spoken to me in my spirit and told me that I do not need to be in DC anymore? I wavered over this decision for awhile going back and forth between staying and leaving, but then it hit me – what is holding me back? I have enough credits, and have spent 3 & ½ years here, what else is there to see? I was walking campus earlier today when I needed to take care of some override stuff and I breathed a breath of fresh air knowing that I would be saying goodbye to this place and hello to the rest of my life. But I’m still puzzled as to why I have this inclination to leave, even though I have made the decision to do so?