Sometimes You Just Wish Things Were Simpler

It's 3:15 in the morning and here I am once again dealing with insomnia. I pondered at just sitting up the rest of the night writing or listening to the radio, but I want to go to sleep. I close my eyes, yet do not drift off into sleepworld. Random thoughts begin to enter my head. Why is life so complicated? Is there meaning to life? How can one discover the true meaning to life? Even with the solace and serenity found in faith, you often wonder why certain things happen in your life. Can one be happy at all before the happiness is brought to a screeching halt? This journey of happiness, or the pursuit rather, promised to us in whatever that document is called, (it's 3 something in the morning, there is no time for me to reach back into what I was taught in history class at this time) often has me puzzled. I often question what on Earth makes one happy here while they are on Earth. With all the tribulations and trials, pitfalls and failures in life, how can one be happy? They say that all those come to perfect character and strengthen you. I cannot see how crying and pain is somehow tied with character. I have to wonder if memories of betrayal and deceit are somehow tied to strength. I tell you one thing, it makes you leary of new people you meet. That is not strengthing character, that is fear and distrust. There seems to be this cookie cutter approach and nonchalant thing the world tells you to do (just get over it)....get over that distress and anguish. It is certainly easier said than done. I am convinced that each and everyone of us deals with stuff differently. For some it is easier to put stuff aside, but you often question as to why things just happen. It is almost as if we are put to the test all the time. I scratch my head sometimes as to the stuff that I've gone through over the past twenty-one years and some of the things that have happened to people I know and yet somehow we keep going. We get up and trudge through the deep swampy waters of this river called life hoping for a remedy and a breather from our troubles. I have often dreamed of what life would be like with non-stop happiness. No pain. No confusion. I guess I'll have to find that out when I get to heaven, until then, I guess I'll just have to make it through whatever is thrown in my path. I sometimes feel like shouting at the top of my lungs to let the world know that behind the smile I so often exhibit, there is some questioning and confusion as to whether true happiness can be obtained. When you ask someone what happiness means to them, they often answer having everything you could possibly want, as to say that money provides happiness. Creature comforts like cars and clothes do not satisfy that yearning to have a permanent smile. I used to wonder why people turned to alcohol, drugs, and other things; these are merely things to send them into a state of temporary bliss. It is almost as if you let your troubles go and happiness is somewhat found. I am not sure that happiness can be found in a Black & Mild or in a shot of Jose Cuervo, but I am wondering if happiness can be found at all due to the negatives in life.

Life has many parts -

Last songs to play....
The Verve - Freshman
Norah Jones - Toes
Everything But The Girl - Troubled Mind
Carbon Leaf - Life Less Ordinary
Jason Mraz - Sleep All Day
Leo Delibes - Flower Duet
Shelby Lynne - Thought It Would Be Easier
Train - Cab