Becoming Apparent Part Three: A Gulp of Aquafina & A Sip of Mango Lemonade

I have been very tired lately. Tired of dealing with the motions of getting up everyday and going to class and then coming back to my dorm room sitting by myself watching some re-run of My Wife & Kids or Steve Harvey. It gets pretty boring. But I find it better than dealing with the rudimentary characteristics of many of the people I deal with. The whole concept of this is very troubling, but I found a antidote – pour myself a glass of mango lemonade and take a sip. It is unsullied mango lemonade purchased from Whole Foods. I find myself drifting away whenever I take a sip of that cool and mellow drink. It allows me to relax. I envision myself on an island relaxing by the ocean waves, but alas that is not how it is. I am moving within a university with people who spend their lives wondering what kind of clothes they are going to wear to the club or what bottle of alcohol they are going to put in a blender. It’s actually quite nauseating to watch people throw their lives down the drain. I am tired of dealing with people who are self-centered as many of the people I know are. I have come to know that people see me as some pleasant and frail individual who succumbs to the pitiful-ness, if that is even a word, of those around me. I always seem to be somebody’s shoulder to cry on, but I have found that whenever I need to cry on someone’s shoulder – no one is to be found. How quaint is that? The riveting thing here is that I ignore it and tell myself that maybe it’s just me thinking these odd thoughts. Perhaps, it is my perception that has me feeling that most of the people I associate with do not have my best interest at heart. But I have found that usually perception in my case, has been reality. So what I am feeling on the inside about certain individuals is most likely the case. The convolution of the associates I have is that we are all close or were to some extent close, as it appeared, but somehow we allowed a virus to taint our group, and everyone, or almost everyone has been infected with the virus. By the way, the virus I’m referring to is not biological. After several experiences I had with these people, I began to wonder what kind of junk am I dealing with here? It all began to sink in after some deep mediation and revelation that I have been dealing with junk for along time. People only consult with me when they want me around or when it is convenient for them to enjoy my presence. I did however bring this on myself by not getting out to meet more people – I instead allowed myself to hang out with a small amount of people, and after many revelatory experiences of being left out of the so-called “group,” I took it upon myself to find peace alone and I made the ultimate decision to leave this place, which is the main reason why I am leaving this place in December, not so much because I have enough credits, but I am sick of dealing with this place and many people. You could say I am running away, that is fine – your opinion in the matter is trivial and does not really matter. I am literally tired of being here. They say not to abhor the day of small beginnings and I do not by any means. I was told that you have many associates, in this life, but few friends. I am delighted in the few friends I have but there are some things that people do that just hurt and crush you and you begin to wonder why you ever decided to deal with them in the first place? I guess it is all a matter of interpretation of the events or experiences, but for now I take a gulp of Aquafina and keep on moving towards purifying my life of ruinous rubbish and filtering out those things that I can do without.